Monday, March 7, 2011

WoW Satire: How To Make Gold In Cata: The Garrosh Conspiracy

It is GREED that shall cause the Cataclysm and destroy the world of Warcraft. Remorseless, unfettered, unimpeded GREED.

It's been asked, why is Garrosh, arrogant, unloveable jerk that he is, assuming control of the Horde, after parting ways with the iconic, loveable Thrall? Answer: GREED.

Consider these simple points:

-How is it that Ogrimmar can't manage its own security, prevent the planting of destructive elemental devices and the sowing of insidious propaganda?
-Who will be the big winners and losers of Cata, in terms of GOLD?
-Who stands to benefit?

Garrosh is a Mag'har orc, a power and authority amongst his people on Draenor. A little-known fact about the orc is that he has massive land holdings in his native Nagrand. Is it not the ownership of land that distinguishes orc lord from peon?

With the shattering of Azeroth, his land holdings will skyrocket in value as wealthy Azerothians flee their homeworld and seek to establish lavish expatriate estates in the calm, idyllic plains of Nagrand. And Garrosh...Garrosh will cash in. He shall become wealthy beyond imagining.

Do you really think Garrosh is so inept as to be unable to stop the infiltration of Orgrimmar? Or that he killed Cairne for any reason other than that he was onto him? No...he caused the Cataclysm as a get-rich-quick scheme worthy of Goldfinger or Blofeld.

Follow the money. Who stand to profit from the Cataclysm?

Me? I have my own condo in Telaar, and will be reclining on the patio in a bikini, sipping my vodka, having cashed in, the draenei will have the last laugh...

But have no worries, friends, you, too, can cash in. In these last few hours before the Cataclysm, there are still some parcels of land in forgotten areas such as the Twilight Ridge, still on sale for bargain rates. Invest today, and profit tomorrow when Azeroth is shattered and Nagrand becomes prime real estate!

Ask yourself: "What would Bobby Kotick do?"

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